Changes

Every aspect of my life has been in upheaval for the past few months. I was avoiding blogging for so long because every day was so unsure, for awhile, I didn’t know what I could share or report that wouldn’t change within the next twenty-four hours. I think, finally, though, the dust is settling. I’ve fallen into a new semi-regular routine and, upon review, am comfortable enough to announce that this is how things are and how they’re going to be for awhile. Here are the results:

I gave up on my WIP. This was really hard to give up, because the first few chapters were some of the best writing I’ve ever done, I think. The problem was that I don’t think I realized how hard and unpleasant this particular WIP was making writing for me until…I started a new WIP and the words, characters, and story are appearing like magic and writing is fun again and I’m starting to rebuild my confidence that I am a writer and I write well. I’m hoping that this new book will build up my writing and imagination muscles so I’m able to attack that first WIP again, someday. But in the meantime, I’m completely charmed by this new WIP and I hope, in two months, so are my beta readers. I’m writing more and more regularly, averaging about 1,000 good, worth-keeping words a day. It’s not much, but it’s regular and gratifying. The new WIP is slowly growing; it’s hard, emotionally, to be at the beginning of a new project again when I think about how I have no completed project under my belt, when I think about the fact that I am completely starting from scratch, again, but it is what it is. I’m spending about 50% less time with my face glued to some screen connected to the internet which has, to my surprise, spiked my personal daily happiness an amazing amount. With less internet, I get more things done, things that weren’t getting done before and were causing me huge amounts of anxiety. Yes, this means I’m falling behind in my blog reading and writing. Yes, it means I’ve fallen behind with my email correspondence and other people are annoyed that I am not responding to their emails right. this. very. second. But it’s been so freeing and pleasant and it’s working for me so, that’s that. I’m commuting less, significantly less, and less times battling New Jersey roads and New Jersey drivers has made me infinitely happier. Why less commuting? I got a new job. I’m now Coordinator, Content Development at HarperCollins Publishers. [insert fangirl screaming here] There are so many good things at the new job that I can’t even list them all without sounding like a huge, snotty brag so I won’t go there except to say I love what I do and the people I’m doing it with and I lovelovelove all the books I’m able to read. On that note, I’m reading up a storm but being really picky and choosy about what I read, only reading books that I believe will be truly excellent. Putting a higher value on my personal reading time has made me happier too. As always, feel free to share your awesome reading experiences and become my friend on Goodreads. On another note, I’m eating in a completely new and entirely healthier way. I’m exercising regularly.

Honorary first day photo. Training at the HarperCollins NYC office!

I think what it all boils down to is that I’ve taken care of a bunch of personal stuff and I’m left happier than I’ve been in a long time. I’m emotionally steadier and I’m much healthier, both emotionally and physically. It feels like what I imagine a detox feels like. I didn’t even really realize how crappy I was feeling for so long, didn’t even realize how stressed out I was in my “normal” routine, didn’t realize how much all of this was negatively impacting my writing, which in turn made me feel even crappier, didn’t realize I was trapped in this huge ugly cycle of disappointment, until I got to this new place where the grass really is greener. I keep breathing the air and waiting and waiting and waiting for things to decline and decay, just a bit, but they don’t. Things really are better, and they’re staying better. I just want to let out a huge sigh of relief that not everything has to be as hard as I was beginning to believe it needed to be. There’s this amazing calm that’s come over me as I spend every day chipping away at several of my goals, where every day is actually a unit of progress in the right direction for so many things.

So, after that little personal ramble…Happy President’s Day to you! I hope things are going well in your worlds as well! I’m going to spend today’s holiday writing, reading, cleaning, and watching some of the massive amounts of snow outside my window melt. I’m going to eat some amazing lentil soup I made on the snow day earlier this week. I’m going to go to the gym tonight and listen to an audiobook. I’m going to pay a few bills and get a few things checked off my to-do list. It’s going to be fantastically relaxing and my WIP will be a little closer to being a real thing on my hard drive. I can’t wait :]

Published by hannahkarena

author & book publishing person.

15 thoughts on “Changes

  1. Hi Hannah, so sorry to hear you were in such a dismal place. It took great effort to finally get where you are now and oh my, a new job, how wonderful and it sounds like you have made some great changes in your life. All the best. Miss you.

    Like

    1. ALICE! Hi hi hi! I think it was probably more dismal for the people around me who had to deal with me being a grouch all the time…when I didn’t even realize I was being an unreasonable grump! Haha. Yes, everything is going well over here. I hope things are for you too! I hope you’re doing lots of relaxing and adventuring and other fun things! Miss you!

      Like

  2. Hello Hannah; I enjoyed reading your post and I can relate to so much of what you have written. It sounds like some healthy and gratifying changes. Things at Bloom continue along much the same . . . like the 1,000 words a day. Next fall we should have a Professional Writing Certificate available for non-degree seekers and the following fall a major track in Professional Writing.

    I hope it is okay that I am following you. I would love to catch up more formally and chat about an option I would like you to consider.

    Like

    1. Hi Professor Martin–of course it’s okay you’re following the blog! It’d be silly of me to blog publicly and expect select others to censor their reading! The Professional Writing Certificate sounds great, sounds like lots of progress for the major. Feel free to email me at either my old Bloom address or the one I provide here on the blog. Interested to hear about this curious “option”!

      Like

  3. Hi Hannah! I really enjoyed reading this personal article. It makes me feel good and less hopeless that I’m certainly not the only one in this world who also gets ‘break downs’ every now and then, and sometimes.. We crush down and collapse all in one and the only things that are left in our minds are, you guess it.. Negative thoughts. A while ago I’ve been trough a ‘depressing time’. All I wanted is to write but how could I when I felt like I was drowning and the weird thing was that everyone around me kept breathing. The thing is, reading and truly knowing that you aren’t alone feels, it feels safe.

    Yours sincerely,

    ThinkerTalented

    Like

  4. Hi Hannah,

    First congrats with your job. I enjoyed reading your post, cause I can relate to it and I guess a lot of people too. When I’m done with writing I mostly feel like it’s not complete or not good enough, but after a year I read a good book about positive thinking and that changed my thoughts. After reading it I started to think positive. I made a new blog and write about the things that inspires me in my daily life and I don’t care what people think of it cause in the end I have to love it.

    Like

  5. Hi there,

    I’m not trying to sound like any other ‘motivational speaker’ who always tend to know exactly how a certain human feels when it’s not going well, when it’s going down hill. I kind of feel related to what you felt. I’ve been going down hill for a long time. Knowing as no other how it feels when it feels like you’re drowning, the worst part about it all is: you see everyone else around you breathing.

    You hear everyone else around you saying ‘do what makes you happy’. But I was not at all in that kind of state to ‘do’ things. How badly I wanted to feel again. I always say ‘it’s better to feel pain than nothing at all.’ If it’s true, I really still need to find that out during my journey. I learned that there really is no one who could help you, you’re the only one who can help yourself. You know as no other what makes you happy, what makes you cry, what makes you feel. Of course, there could be people that are always staying by your side but never lose yourself. Never lose hope.

    Thank you Hannah for making me think. I tend to have my own little moments sometimes. I’m like telling in a super motivational way about my sad and hurtful experiences that didn’t killed me, but only made me stronger.

    Congratulations and keep up the positive vibes!

    Yours sincerely,

    Randa

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: